i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
