I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
