Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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