She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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