dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
