I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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