Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize