If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Quick, to the slutcave!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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