# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
