It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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