She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
