Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
