The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
