That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
