They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
