he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
