So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
