Christians are straight up FREAKS
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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