I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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