i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
