My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
