Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
