do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
