just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
