Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
