her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
