Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
