I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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