my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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