I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
