took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
