Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize