I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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