do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
