I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
