Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize