Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't turn off my feet"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize