I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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