Someone shit on the floor
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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