Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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