What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
