I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
