I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize