The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You pole danced in your parka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
