My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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