Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
