I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
