I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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