for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The struggles of a small town man whore
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
