I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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