Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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