Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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