i think i have two assholes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize