The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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