We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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