I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
