Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
