its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
