but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
