I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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