i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
