her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
