i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think people are normalizing furries
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
