Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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