I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
